Just a Question

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"


The question asked more times than necessary during my childhood and adolescent years. When I was a kid I wanted to be an actress or a vet, but now that I actually have "grown up",  I have little to no idea what my future entails. It seems like a funny question to ask because it implies what profession a person wants to have when they get older, but it is not explicitly stated. Instead, it is an open ended question that is almost always answered with what job a child would like to have. I love this quote by John Lennon, "When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life". It rings true to me on many levels, because my desire to be happy is one of my top priorities. I want my profession to be a source of great happiness and fulfillment in my life, not a meaningless activity that I do solely to pay the bills. I don't want to dread every day that I go to work, I want to find purpose and joy in my job. However, I know I may need to work some jobs that may not necessarily be the most meaningful to me in order to get to my ultimate goal. These days, I am often plagued by the uncertainty of my future, since I am still trying to figure out what I want in life. Sometimes, I think I may know what I want, other days I think I am settling for something that is easier than analyzing the depths of my inner self. What I do know is that I want to help people in the best way I can. Some days it almost feels tangible, this deep urge and need to help others less fortunate. It seems almost primal to me, an intrinsic piece to the puzzle of my soul. If only I could figure out how that piece fits into my crazy and beautiful life.


Self-love activity of the day:
Today, I did my makeup really cute and I think it suited my eyes well. I know it isn't much, but even the smallest activities can brighten a day!